Monday, July 21, 2008

From Juicy to Healthy!

So Eduardo has been out of town for 3 weeks now, he went to a composition Encounter in Spain, then he spent a couple of weeks with my dad near Sevilla, then he moved on to another workshop in Doncaster, close to Manchester, where I presume he is now. Raw and travel has always been interesting to me, it is always and adventure trying to figure out the next meal. It will be very interesting to share his experience when he comes back. I assume Spain is easier than the UK, but he will be a better narrator to that sometime next week.

So what is a girl to do in the summer in the absence of her other half??? hmmmm actually I have felt pretty whole, I love that. I have had a house full of visiting cousins and plenty to do. Last week I went to the desert and had an amazing experience that reminds me that there is only so much health that raw foods can give us. A lot of our (my) health has to do with mind and heart. Or maybe it is the next step in the journey, to start to heal more subtle energies, which seem to need a special, different kind of healing. The work I did there is all about minding my thoughts. This place is called "The Mistery" and the people who live there are deep into the yoga and meditation lifestyle, many people go there to heal so they have so much experience understanding people and their energy, they are very sensitive. So I felt very aware of my thoughts all the time, that´s probably part of my healing, but I did also feel self-conscious and troubled by the restlessness of my mind. I found many of my thoughts to be very childish, I have much work to do. But also I found this all to be very freeing, like I could from that moment on just let myself be softer.

I noticed that all the accumulated knowledge had made me be tough on myself, trying to be affirmative and accepting of what comes has to be based on further practices, not just theory. My body is detoxed enough, now I need to make it strong and flexible. I need my mind to be focused and clutter-free. I am now flowing into a softer space, where awareness of my weaknesses is more important than just longing for more enlightened states but not taking them to practice. I was told I need to work on anger and agressiveness issues.... whaaa??? meeee???? no waaay!!!! well I was made to see this up front and I found that I do have an edge, I tend to sarcasm and other uglies. I didn´t see that before. Just being aware of it is a big step in working through it. I have some sadness to work through too (wow this post is suddenly feeling heavy with too much info). But it is true, and I feel obliged to truth now, it is so much easier to just be softer and flow. I came back from this retreat feeling my heart so open and abundant with love.

I have been doing a lot for the healing of my body, now I also start the healing of my energy and of my heart. After all I think I had never before stopped to see why did I gain all the weight in the first place? What was I hiding from under all that toxicity? What have I been hiding from behind the labels "smart and spiritual" (with no further practice than that of my nutrition)? And I don´t mean to be analytic of my past, but instead just aware of what arises in the present... what triggers cause me to act out, with food or otherwise? I am back to being an explorer, a scientist of me with a lighter heart and a flowing disposition to be real.